Conferences · Hilarious But True

The 7 Presentations You See at MPSA

The Americanist Bitch will be hitting up MPSA in less than one month! How could I forget- the conference emails me a NYE-like countdown every few days or so. So, in honor of this… achievement?…. we present: the 7 presentations you will definitely see at MPSA, rated by Chicago landmark.

  1. The one by the terrified grad student. Their longest section is the lit review, because that’s the only thing they’re confident they know how to do at this point in their career. They’re so cute, in their ill-fitting professional clothes and attempted networking at the Palmer House bar.
    Rating: Sears/Willis Tower, because everyone loves them but can’t quite remember their name
  2. The one by the new parent who is only in town for 24 hours. They’re visibly exhausted, they barely squeaked out a paper, but they needed to get back on the horse so their department doesn’t think they are deadwood in the making. MPSA was the “next” (read: least selective) conference.
    Rating: O’Hare airport, because that’s where they spent the most time on this trip
  3. The one by the person who has no data. They set you up with a nice theory, and maybe even cool methodology, but 10 minutes into their presentation they say, “I haven’t collected the data yet, but…” and you discover you’ve been hoodwinked. Hey, while you’re here, can you help them figure out how to collect that data?
    Rating: Giordano’s Pizza, which is supposed to be legit deep dish pizza but nobody from Chicago would be caught dead there (IR Bitch Note: Go to Connie’s instead)
  4. The one by the person who clearly wrote their paper on the plane to Chicago. Could also be a new parent (see above), but is usually given by a senior scholar who doesn’t really give a shit about presenting and is only there to meet up with his friends from grad school.
    Rating: The Berghoff, obv
  5. The one with 3 co-authors, but only 1 even has a clue what the paper is actually about. Most likely to be found in the methodology section.
    Rating: City Hall, because riding on your friend’s coattails to get a line on the CV is just like Rahm Emanuel riding Obama to the mayor’s office
  6. The one that has been presented at 3 other conferences. What school has this much travel budget these days? Koch University?
    Rating: Alinea, the snobby restaurant that nobody can get in because it’s “the best restaurant in the world.” Like everyone ate at all the restaurants and compared them. And who has time for 100 courses, anyway?
  7. The one by a theorist who has decided that they have something uniquely relevant to say about Trump’s America. No, Trump’s election isn’t the “most interesting thing to happen in American politics in 150 years.” No, you can’t just up and try and make yourself marketable. Yes, we see through your weak attempt to have more than 3 people at your panel.
    Rating: Cloud Gate (the Bean), because who knows what that thing is for
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